Reddit Study Highlights Pre-Marriage Red Flags

As Maryland divorce attorneys representing clients across Montgomery County, we’ve worked with countless clients who entered marriage despite serious doubts—doubts that later grew into the very reasons for their divorce. A recent study conducted by the University of Missouri and published in the Journal of Marriage and Family sheds new light on those early warning signs. By analyzing anonymous Reddit posts from people questioning their engagements, the study captures the emotional turmoil and rationalizations people experience when they’re unsure whether marriage is the right step.

The findings confirm something we’ve long observed in our practice: red flags often appear well before the wedding day. From emotional disconnect and communication problems to more serious issues like emotional manipulation or even violence, these warning signs are frequently brushed aside during the engagement period. The social and financial pressure to move forward can make people ignore concerns that later become legal and emotional challenges during divorce. As attorneys, we believe that understanding these red flags isn’t just emotionally wise—it’s legally practical.

The “Wedding Momentum” Pressure Is Real

Many Reddit users in the study cited the difficulty of calling off a wedding once planning had begun. Deposits were paid. Family and friends were invited. Couples had invested months, even years, in their relationships. That pressure created what the researchers referred to as “wedding momentum,” where people felt too far in to back out—even if something didn’t feel right.

Red Flags Often Justified—Until They’re Not

The study revealed a troubling pattern. People would acknowledge serious red flags—controlling behavior, substance abuse, lack of shared values—and then immediately justify staying. They’d point to the time already invested, how much they love their partner, or how hard it would be to cancel the wedding.

We understand. As attorneys, we’re not here to pass judgment on why someone stayed in a relationship. But when those same concerns show up in a divorce, they often form the basis for complex disputes. Issues around joint property, retirement accounts, parenting schedules, or personal safety can become far more complicated than if the relationship had ended earlier.

Serious Concerns Deserve Attention—Not Excuses

Some Reddit posts went beyond compatibility concerns and described abusive or aggressive behavior. One poster described needing to barricade herself in the kitchen to stay safe from her intoxicated fiancé. Another spoke of physical violence and name-calling. These are not “cold feet”—they are red flags that should never be ignored.

Why Anonymous Advice Resonates So Strongly

One of the most powerful insights from the study is that many people turn to strangers online for relationship advice because they fear judgment from family or friends. In these anonymous forums, users receive feedback that is often more honest than what they’d hear in person.

As attorneys, we encourage clients to seek qualified legal and counseling support rather than rely solely on anonymous advice. Still, it’s clear that these online conversations provide a unique space to consider what life might look like on the other side of a tough decision—something that’s also important when preparing for divorce.

Thinking About The Future Matters

Many Reddit users were encouraged to visualize their futures with and without their partners. This reflection helped them decide whether their current situation would improve or worsen over time. Similarly, we advise our clients to think clearly about their future, especially when children, business ownership, or property are involved.

It’s far easier to make sound decisions before a legal marriage than to unwind those choices later through a contested divorce. If something feels wrong before the wedding, that instinct might be your best guide.

Frequently Asked Questions About Pre-Marriage Red Flags And Maryland Divorce

If I Saw Red Flags Before Marriage, Will That Help Me In A Divorce Case?

Possibly. If those red flags involved abusive behavior, financial secrecy, or manipulation, they could be relevant to certain parts of your divorce, particularly child custody or division of assets. For instance, if your spouse tried to hide income or intimidated you into financial decisions, we may be able to present that during the division of marital property under Md. Code, Fam. Law § 8-205.

Can I Annul A Marriage In Maryland Because Of Something I Found Out After The Wedding?

An annulment is only granted in limited circumstances. Under Maryland law, a marriage can be annulled if there was fraud, coercion, or lack of capacity at the time of marriage. Simply discovering troubling personality traits or relationship issues after the wedding does not meet this threshold. Most cases must proceed through divorce rather than annulment.

What If I’m Having Second Thoughts Before The Wedding—Should I Still See A Lawyer?

Yes. Even if you don’t go through with the marriage, legal issues can still arise, especially if you’ve cohabited, mixed finances, or jointly purchased property. We regularly help clients review cohabitation agreements and other legal protections for unmarried couples in Maryland. And if you do marry and later divorce, we can help ensure you’re prepared.

Do Maryland Courts Consider Prenuptial Agreements If There Were Red Flags?

Yes. Prenuptial agreements are enforceable in Maryland as long as they were entered into voluntarily, with full disclosure of assets, and not under duress. If you signed a prenup despite red flags or power imbalances, we may be able to challenge its validity, particularly if there was no legal counsel or if assets were concealed.

Call Shah & Kishore To Discuss Marriage Doubts Or Divorce Preparation In Maryland

At Shah & Kishore, we work with professionals throughout Montgomery County who are planning for marriage or considering divorce. If you’ve seen red flags or are dealing with the emotional fallout of a troubled relationship, we’re here to help you understand your legal rights and prepare wisely. Our firm is focused on thoughtful, strategic divorce representation for high-achieving individuals who want clear answers and strong support.

Contact our Maryland divorce attorney at (301) 315-0001 to arrange a consultation. Don’t forget to read the experiences of our many satisfied clients through their testimonials. We represent clients from our office in Rockville and serve all of Montgomery County, Maryland. Whether you’re thinking about marriage, divorce, or planning for the future, we’re here to help you make informed decisions.