Don’t Give Away Your Power During A Divorce

powerWhen going through a divorce, it’s important to make sure you get what you need so you can move forward with your life. For couples going through a bitter, contentious divorce, it may be tempting to argue over every detail in order to get back at each other. For others, the emotions and costs involved may cause them to overlook details that they may pay for in the future. While no one willingly gives away their power, many do exactly that when going through the divorce process. Here are four actions to avoid that will diminish your power during a divorce.

  1. Ending up in court. Allowing a judge, who isn’t familiar with your specific situation, to determine personal matters, is a major step towards relinquishing your power. In any other situation, you wouldn’t allow a stranger to make decisions as to how to raise your children, when you can see them, and how you’ll spend your money. Yet many couples allow this to happen when a divorce ends up in court. Alternatives, such as divorce mediation, are an important way to negotiate agreements and determine your own future before it ends up in the hands of a judge.
  2. Not consulting an attorney. Money concerns may make you question the value of hiring an attorney while going through a divorce. It may be tempting to think you can research and handle the details yourself, but it’s a decision that will cost you down the road. It’s essential to receive professional advice from an experienced divorce attorney in order to make sound decisions and protect your interests. Even if you feel you can only afford a few hours with an attorney, it’s a decision that will educate you about the process.
  3. Letting your divorce attorney handle everything. While it’s important to consult with an attorney, that doesn’t mean you should do everything he or she says. A good family law attorney provides legal advice and offers the pros and cons of various decisions, but doesn’t tell you what to do. In the end, it’s up to you to make the best choices for your personal situation since you have to live with them.
  4. Giving up rather than fighting. Divorce is emotional and tiring, but giving up and just agreeing to anything to move the process forward is a big step towards relinquishing power. You are your own best advocate and, in matters that are most important to you, it’s vital not to surrender because you’re sick of fighting or think you’ll lose. However, you do need to know when to say when. If issues that may not benefit you in the future cause a divorce to drag out and saddle you or your children with further emotional distress, it’s best to let it go and move forward.

Divorce can test even the strongest person. But finding ways to retain your personal strength and assertiveness ensure that you will be able to move forward in life, knowing you kept your “power” in a difficult situation

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